Saturday, December 17, 2016

Red Christmas

Bing sang of a white Christmas
Elvis sang of a Blue
Mariah Carrey botched the song
All I want for Christmas is you
But I digress, I trail away
There’s only one type of Christmas for my sled
When I drag the reindeer through the snow
I want my Christmas to be red
Red as the blood of my enemies
Flows from their cold, dead corpses
Wounded by knives and guns
Trampled alive by horses
I’m really not a petty man
I’m usually not one for revenge
But vengeance is cold, and so is the winter
And so I cry for amends
Red Christmas, white or blue
It seems so patriotic
To hack you up with a clever
While I’m laughing so psychotic
So on dancer, on Prantzer,
On cupid and blitzen
Trample their hides and tear the meat off their bones
As though they were a bucket of chicken
A jolly old soul even Santa knows
A red Christmas is the best
Why do you think he wears that suit?
To hide the blood stains on his vest!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Robots, Huzzah!

Here comes the Robots,
Huzzah! Huzzah!
We celebrate your technology
and hope you don't enslave us.

and if you enslave us,
we celebrate your goodwilled nature
and hope you don't assimilate us

and if you assimilate us,
we celebrate our strides to perfection
and hope you don't destroy us

and if you destroy us we....

Here comes the robots,
Huzzah, Huzzah!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The World is Flat...

The world is round
At least that's what they say
that's what the powers that be
would have us think.

Or so the German's would have us believe.

I know the Earth is flat,
I have truthiness on my side!
Oh, don't look at me like that -
Don't look at me and say,
Truthiness? That is so 2005
That is so last decade!
That is so, the Bush era!
No, truthiness is alive and well
and truthiness says the world is flat.

The world is flat
and nothing the scientists
paid for by the liberal commies
who worship Satan and sacrifice babies
to the Flying Spaghetti monster,
nothing the Godless heathens
brought to you by an endowment for the arts
can say will convince me otherwise!
I don't care if people travel all across the globe!
Hell, I've traveled halfway across the world
and I ain't seen no damned curve.
Everything was flat over there just like it is here
because the world is flat!

And yes, they have "pictures" of Earth
shot from space,
but we all know those were faked,
we all know we can never leave
God's green Earth
We all know that the moon landing was a hoax
and the Hubble telescope is just an elaborate prank
and a way for NASA to line their pockets -
but that's another rant
another conspiracy theory
for another day

The world is flat
and nothing you can say
will ever change my mind.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Ode to a Civil War

Cue the Gregorian chants
And the twelve year old boy soprano
"Don't let the eyes of sadness
Reflect on your inner soul."

Ironman killed Captain America.
No, not directly,
No, he didn't pull the trigger
Tony Stark did not shoot the Cap
But he killed Captain America
through orders or bribes or covert forces
S.H.E.I.L.D could not put up with
Captain America's dissidence during.
The fiasco, the fascism,
The superhuman registration act
Legislating the safety of friends and relatives and loved ones
in the name of public safety,
like so many patriot acts,
or mutant registration projects.

What would DC say?
What would Superman and Batman
and even Lois Lane say?
Would they fight with Captain America?
Would they fight with Iron Man?
Would they stand on the sidelines
Like the X-Men?
Would Superman stay on the side of Justice and law?
Would Batman go rouge?
Would Lois Lane see the whole thing,
as just another "big scoop?"

Oh Civil War
Oh Speedball or Penance
or whatever the hell you call yourself now.
Oh, divider of friends, comrades, families, and spouses.
Mr Fantastic, Sue Storm,
Where are your children?
After the rumble,
Will you pick each other up
And drive to the sitters
Or maybe have a romantic dinner,
and perhaps the best make-up sex ever?
Or is Reed sleeping on the couch tonight?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

If the twitters and facebooks
and youtubes and diggs and even myspaces
flow out of the series of tubes,
would they be flushed away,
forever lost?

If the internets is indeed
a series of tubes
if the backbone breaks,
and data leaks out
like sewage from a drainage pipe.

If we loose our data, or is it datum
and our ability to play WOW
and our ability to watch The Guild

If we can't access corporate email,
your boss wants you to work late
free cookies in the kitchen
time for us to "tighten our belts."

and craigslist postings,
help wanted
Bike for sale

If all our data (or is it datum?),
flowed from the tube
into the real world,
into the ground, the Earth
would it contaminate our drinking water?

Friday, April 9, 2010

Of Zombies and Sarah Palin

Run run, run to Alaska!
The zombie apocalypse is here! Jump in your warthog before sarg uses you as a human shield! Hurry, before it’s too late! The zombies want Brians! Bri----ans.

Run, Run, Run to Alaska!
Will the freeways be a tasty bottleneck? Will you make it through Canada before they close the borders? And will the cold keep the zombies away? Will their zero body heat trump their desire for your testy flesh? And brains?

Run Run, Run to Alaska!
You’re almost there! Don’t stop, don’t stop! Double tap but don’t stop. Don’t stop.

Run Run, Run to Alaska!
There’s Sarah Palin sitting on her front porch. She invites you in. Something feels wrong, but how can you resist the chance to see Russia from her kitchen window?

Moooooaning. Moooooooaning.
Palin’s a zombie! Palin’s a zombie!
Palin’s a gun toting, right winged, carnivorous zombie!
Well, I guess its not all bad. Her IQ just shot up 20 points.

Moaoooning, Mooooooaning
Palin aims her rifle,
“You betcha!” She shrieks, “You betcha!”
Pit bull with lipstick grin and a shot gun at your head.

Oh, what providence
Oh, what Deus Ex Machina!
Cheney’s been hunting quail again!
Palin’s zombified head dangles
The would be VP slain by the former VP.
And I live to survive the undead.
But the zombies, they’re in Alaska!

Run Run, Run to Siberia
Run Run, Run to Mt Everest
Run Run, Run to Antartica!

Every OS Sucks!

Spinning wheels, rotating hour glasses
Are you both the work of demons?
Are you both Satan's pride?
You sit there and mock me
My deadline draws closer and closer,
And yet, there you are,
Still spinning, still rotating,

Still it makes me wonder if you,
if your OS,
is sentient,
and why you feel the need
to make me wait.
Do I not spend enough time with you?
I spend most of my waking hours with you,
or at least one of your kind.
But maybe that's it,
maybe you're jealous.
You sync with my blackberry,
you know its thoughts
you know how much time
I spend with her.

Or maybe when you spin or rotate,
whatever the case may be,
maybe you're in a contest
The ultimate Mac vs PC
Who can stay busy longer?
Who can kill more time?
Who can be the least productive?
Jobs and Gates probably put you up to the task
As they sip wine together, secretly
laughing at us all,
You little peons, we control your lives!
We control your livelihood, your entertainment
We control your IV drip of information!

But whatever reason you spin or rotate,
it always ends in a crash. In an hour's work lost,
It always ends with nothing.
Just a black screen.